Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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