My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
