my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
