She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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