A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
