Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
