It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
