end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize