Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
