I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
