Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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