I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
