How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
