just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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