Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's never too late to be topless.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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