i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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