a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
