Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
