I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
