Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize