I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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