why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
