dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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