god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize