I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
