yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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