Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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