I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
