Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
