On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
