I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
