I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize