Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
