Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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