Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
