Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
