It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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