the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
