No subtext here. People are naked.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
