Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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