D3 body, D1 cock
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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