He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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