It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
