Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
