Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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