So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
