She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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