either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
