There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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