Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I looked at my own cervix.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
