Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
you never un-have a 4some
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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