capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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