Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize