ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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