yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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