it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
