so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize