It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
