i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
