just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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