You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
