Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
