I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
