I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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