I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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