My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
