If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
