dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
