i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
