Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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