I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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