Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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