the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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