Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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