Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
