You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
