woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
