So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
