I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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