tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
