you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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