don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
