Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize