She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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