Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The Olympian is in my bed
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