I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
