she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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