Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize