Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
