we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
