I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my being single is dangerous.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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