Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
