I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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