I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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