I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
