I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
