yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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