Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize