I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
