we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
