If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
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